When I'm 64

I've been thinking about the relationship that my children have with their grandparents. While watching my son play with his great-grandfather (my "nonno"), I realized that they are dealing with a whole different set of dynamics. It took me a while to understand this, and only after analyzing my own relationship with my grandparents did I realize the importance of "letting it be".

As a mom (and an admitted control freak), I naturally feel the need to be in on everything. I caught myself squawking when my 93-year-old grandfather pulled out two of those chocolate-covered digestive biscuits for the children...only to remember that, once upon a time, he used to do that with me. Nonno had a nasty/fantastic habit of bringing me a Coffee Crisp every Friday afternoon after his bocce game. Is chocolate the best thing for young children? Probably not. What is good for them, however, is the sweet (no pun intended here) memory they will associate with those biscuits once they're older & wiser. I, for one, can't walk by a candy-bar display without smiling when I spot the Coffee Crisp. Never did a chocolate bar taste sweeter than when my grandfather pulled it out of his blazer-pocket, holding it out in my direction.

Grandparents offer an unconditional love that they couldn't afford their own children because they were too busy disciplining, potty training, forcing veggies down their throats, and everything else a frazzled parent must do. In a way, I envy the relationship that my children have with all four grandparents and their great-grandfather. On the other hand, I am so very grateful that they have the privilege of spending quality time with all their "nonni and bisnonno".

If I close my eyes, I can still imagine the feeling of walking to the park with the sun shining down on my beaming face...the smell of grass...and the feeling of having the loving hand of my grandmother wrapped around my right hand, and my grandfather's wrapped around my left. I hope and pray that many years from now, my children know how much love surrounded them. So I'll "let it be"... relinquish that control... After all, these grandparents did raise a few children themselves, did the not?

Potty Pains

This is going to be a huge pity potty...ehem...party. I'm the guest of honour! Let me start off with a big ol' "WHYYYYY MEEEEEE"?!?!? There, got that out of my system.

There's an enormous amount of pressure placed on parents when it comes to potty training- toilet learning-bodily evacuations- I don't really care what you call it; I just want to be done with it!!! People are beginning to train their INFANTS at 6 or 7 months of age. Wow, do I have some catching up to do, or what?!?! I'm tired of the faux-sympathetic looks when other parents learn of the fact that my 3 1/2 year old daughter outright refuses to go to the bathroom on her own.

A bright, outgoing child...we thought potty training would be a breeze. Boy, were we ever wrong! Nothing could be further from the truth. Take today, for instance: it's noon and she's already wet 4 pair of Dora the Explorer underpants. Not so good. As a result of this apparent failure (on our part, of course), I can't help but cringe at those imaginary fingers pointing at us. Worse yet are those imaginary voices bellowing laughter and jeers.

She is an extremely intelligent little girl, and I'm not saying this because she's my daughter. People comment on it all the time. By the time she was only 12 months old, she was already speaking in complete sentences and counting to 50. By 18 months, she had memorized all the words to the book Miss Spider's Tea Party!!! So, I rationalize and think to myself, "Perhaps she's too intellectually advanced to be potty trained like the average toddler". Yes, that usually makes me feel better....that is....until the 2-year-old next door yells to her mommy that she needs to "wee wee" and heads straight for the bathroom. Sigh!

My daughter began negotiating the potty training process at the age of two. Here's a synopsis of one of our many and varied scenarios: We had agreed that our daughter would go potty "when the snow falls". At the first sight of snowfall, she agreed to go to the bathroom.

Me: It's time to go potty
Her: Yep, the snow's here - let's go.

.....she tinkled...we flushed...hands were washed...off to play....

20 minutes later....

Me: It's time to go potty again
Her: Nope. I said I would when the snow falls
Me: Right, so let's go...quick, before you wet yourself
Her: Nuh-uh. The snow's not falling now; it's on the ground. I said only when it FALLS...SEE?

So, you understand my predicament. I've tried it all: Treats, stickers, having her run around without pull-ups or underpants, sitting for an hour in the bathroom while reading potty-related stories, and pleading. Yes, I've reduced myself to pleading. While all the experts tell me not to push this whole process, I can't help but envision having to hand my daughter a fresh Princess Pull-Up on the day of her driver's-ed exam. Perish the thought!

If anyone has any tips or advice, I'd be forever grateful! In the meantime, I will continue with this battle of wills - until one of us breaks.