Potty Pains

This is going to be a huge pity potty...ehem...party. I'm the guest of honour! Let me start off with a big ol' "WHYYYYY MEEEEEE"?!?!? There, got that out of my system.

There's an enormous amount of pressure placed on parents when it comes to potty training- toilet learning-bodily evacuations- I don't really care what you call it; I just want to be done with it!!! People are beginning to train their INFANTS at 6 or 7 months of age. Wow, do I have some catching up to do, or what?!?! I'm tired of the faux-sympathetic looks when other parents learn of the fact that my 3 1/2 year old daughter outright refuses to go to the bathroom on her own.

A bright, outgoing child...we thought potty training would be a breeze. Boy, were we ever wrong! Nothing could be further from the truth. Take today, for instance: it's noon and she's already wet 4 pair of Dora the Explorer underpants. Not so good. As a result of this apparent failure (on our part, of course), I can't help but cringe at those imaginary fingers pointing at us. Worse yet are those imaginary voices bellowing laughter and jeers.

She is an extremely intelligent little girl, and I'm not saying this because she's my daughter. People comment on it all the time. By the time she was only 12 months old, she was already speaking in complete sentences and counting to 50. By 18 months, she had memorized all the words to the book Miss Spider's Tea Party!!! So, I rationalize and think to myself, "Perhaps she's too intellectually advanced to be potty trained like the average toddler". Yes, that usually makes me feel better....that is....until the 2-year-old next door yells to her mommy that she needs to "wee wee" and heads straight for the bathroom. Sigh!

My daughter began negotiating the potty training process at the age of two. Here's a synopsis of one of our many and varied scenarios: We had agreed that our daughter would go potty "when the snow falls". At the first sight of snowfall, she agreed to go to the bathroom.

Me: It's time to go potty
Her: Yep, the snow's here - let's go.

.....she tinkled...we flushed...hands were washed...off to play....

20 minutes later....

Me: It's time to go potty again
Her: Nope. I said I would when the snow falls
Me: Right, so let's go...quick, before you wet yourself
Her: Nuh-uh. The snow's not falling now; it's on the ground. I said only when it FALLS...SEE?

So, you understand my predicament. I've tried it all: Treats, stickers, having her run around without pull-ups or underpants, sitting for an hour in the bathroom while reading potty-related stories, and pleading. Yes, I've reduced myself to pleading. While all the experts tell me not to push this whole process, I can't help but envision having to hand my daughter a fresh Princess Pull-Up on the day of her driver's-ed exam. Perish the thought!

If anyone has any tips or advice, I'd be forever grateful! In the meantime, I will continue with this battle of wills - until one of us breaks.